I'm really frustrated right now because none of the doctors offices returned my calls and I can't do anything about the insurance until Monday. I feel like everything is so hard, like pulling teeth. It seems like the exception to the rule when something goes smoothly, and just when you think everything is going smoothly the rug is pulled out from under you. There's nothing I can do now, though, until Monday.
Yesterday I cut up a pineapple I'd bought something like a week prior and froze it on trays and then put them in containers for use in smoothies. I got to thinking that it's a shame to just throw out the hard centers, so I dehydrated them and then ground them up into powder. They weren't quite dehydrated enough the first time, so I ground them up a bit, put the semi-ground pieces on a coffee filter in the dehydrator and dehydrated them further before grinding them again. It worked and I think they'll add nice flavoring to hot cereal, smoothies or baked goods, for example. I got the idea because the other day when I went to BJs I also stopped by an Asian store there and found a packet of coconut powder. The instructions are for mixing it with water to make coconut milk. So that's what gave me the idea for the pineapples. I don't see why it wouldn't work with other things too, but these pineapple centers would have been thrown out otherwise, and not used at all.
So I'm going to work on this a bit more before taking a break to do some housecleaning before dinner. (Yikes! It's already 5:40?! That's how my day goes... nothing's on schedule it seems.)
I had 100 degree temperature a while ago. Next week I see the infectious disease doctor, so I hope she can figure out what's going on.
***
"There is a sense upon returning to the real world, that what has really happened is that one has been swindled... But there is much more than disenchantment, self-flagellation, and recrimination. There is identity diffusion and identity crisis." (pp. 129-130)
I think this pretty succinctly describes, in about as few words is seems justifiably possible, what I felt like after leaving Vienna in 1989. You'll see some of this when I share some of my journal entries from the year after my return home.
***
"...[T]here is no real framework in America within which to acknowledge the battered survivors of cult indoctrination, as there for other kinds of victims..." (p. 132)
At least with real cults there are groups that acknowledge that such indoctrination exists, but for my experience I don't think there are any such support groups, networks or public acknowledgment of the kind of thing I experienced with a mission group. I really turned inward, and although I've since become stronger, I've had enough years with difficult situations that I don't think I'll ever be as free and easy going as I was before Vienna. I think I'm pretty hard to get to know because of all the many layers of unusual experiences I've had that people can't relate to. It's had an effect on me for sure.
***
This book addresses some other examples of "behavioral puppetry" that don't seem very relevant, but book ends with this statement, to which I'd like to respond:
"However appealing, compelling, or magnetic the idea of control may superficially appear to be, it seems to me that it is always worth resisting." (p. 225)
Amen! Preach it, brother!! I'm with you all the way on this one. I think Jesus would be too. I mean, if you really think about it, He was firm in His preaching, but He did NOT force anyone to believe. He did NOT play any power or manipulation games to gain converts. You won't find any social engineering coming from Him. I find that, among other things, very appealing.
***
Here's a short and sweet text from...
The New Encyclopedia Britannica, 15th ed., v. 4. (1994). Encyclopedia Britannica: Chicago, p. 467.
Brainwashing, also called coercive persuasion, systematic effort to persuade nonbelievers to accept a certain allegiance, command, or doctrine. A colloquial term, it is more generally applied to any technique designed to manipulate human thought or action against the desire, will, or knowledge of the individual. By controlling the physical and social environment, an attempt is made to destroy loyalties to any unfavourable groups or individuals, to demonstrate to the individual that his attitudes and patterns of thinking are incorrect and must be changed, and to develop loyalty and unquestioning obedience to the ruling party.
The term is most appropriately used in reference to a program of political or religious indoctrination or ideological remolding. The techniques of brainwashing typically involve isolation from former associates and sources of information; an exacting regimen requiring absolute obedience and humility; strong social pressures and rewards for cooperation; physical and psychological punishments for noncooperation ranging from social ostracism and criticism, deprivation of food, sleep and social contacts, to bondage and torture; and continual reinforcement..."
I think it's obvious that we didn't have deprivation of food and sleep, but when I go into more detail about what happened in Vienna, you'll see that I clearly was ostracized and deprived of social contact, especially towards the end of my time there.
We were cut off from former associates by being geographically distanced and also by the mission's censoring of our prayer letters (that's - censoring - what it amounted to in my opinion). So basically it would be our single little voice versus that of the monolith mission as to who's perspective on things would be heard and believed back home. There were also other extraordinary things that I experienced that I won't go into here just yet.
~ Meg
