356. Trust, Pt. 2 (Sonnenberg, pt. 1)

The next article is:

Sonnenberg, Frank K. (1993). Trust me... trust me not.  Industry Week. 242(15), 22-24, 26, 28.

These were all articles I researched in Minneapolis while I was in visiting in the States while living in Russia.  I later tried to categorize them into files and that's how I ended out with this "trust" file.  I don't think that trust was a theme I went out looking for in the first place. For those of you knew to this blog, I was trying to make sense of my life and it seemed that there was too much political fallout from things interfering with my life.

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"Employees in organizations marked by low levels of trust usually operate under higher levels of stress, spend a great deal of effort covering their backsides, justifying past decisions and conducting witch hunts or looking for scapegoats when something doesn't work out." (p. 24).

This didn't describe the Vienna mission because if you didn't fairly quickly internalize the mission's values and norms and let yourself be pretty much be totally submitted to the mission (so that the mission didn't have to worry about trusting you, because they knew virtually everything about you), then you'd end out more or less where I was. 

The thing is that the mission, I think, assumed that the problem was that I was too distracted by everything external to the mission and when they had pretty much reigned me in in every way they could think of and that still didn't work then they resorted to telling me that I was "standing up on the inside" (the words of my mentor, via a sort of parable/fable told me more than once at the end of my time with the mission).  But they erred in assuming that I was just a secretary.  They really didn't understand my mental abilities, and that's what tripped them up and that's what allowed me to get out of there without completely submitting.  So my cover, if you will, was being a "dumb blonde."  I did have all my books up in my office at one point (just before being sent back to the USA), though, but I guess they didn't take that seriously or something. 

Of course, there's the issue of what they really wanted too, and they maybe didn't really know what I wanted.  I just took things at face value that I was told I was to be a secretary and I would have some off time that I would be able to work with Austrians.  I wasn't told that if I worked as a secretary my whole identity would have to be wrapped up in being a secretary, and the folk at the Austrian mission somehow missed the agreement that I would spend some off time working with Austrians.  I came there trusting them, but they couldn't accept that arrangement because they weren't in control and it wasn't agreed to by them; my sending mission is the one who had agreed to it and the Vienna mission didn't like that, I guess.

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"Furthermore, in organizations marked by low levels of trust, employees have so much difficulty exploring the full range of options or responding creatively to problems at hand that new challenges are avoided.  Employees are so afraid of being reprimanded for failure of ridiculed by their colleagues that they shy away from new activities that will require new ways of thinking.  Their defensiveness and mutual suspicions limit them to the restricted set of alternatives they have all agreed upon, which are designed to minimize their vulnerability.  Exploration, innovation, and creativity become dangers in this kind of environment." (p. 24)

You have to keep in mind that I am discussing these texts only for myself, because my experience of the mission was way different from most other people's.  So don't think that anyone else would think the same thing, because probably most everyone else would say the exact opposite, although it's possible that a few people might say that they could understand how I might see things the way I am, whether or not they agree. 

I absolutely had terrific difficulty exploring options or responding creatively to problems at hand.  The only problems I could deal with were things like filing systems or the organization of supply cabinets.  Whoopee!  I was at the bottom of the organizational power chart.  No one would listen to me for anything.  I wouldn't be reprimanded for my work, though.  The more time went by the harder it became, I think, to try to win their trust and get a good position or the position I was supposed to have when I came to Vienna to work with the mission in the first place. 

I was strong and it was only as I began to flag and faulter that then I began to shy away from the things I knew they didn't like - like attending the Austrian church.

***

Next the author discusses "the rings of trust."  You start at the center, the rod, and move outward through 3 concentric circles.

"The rod, at the center of the ring, represents the beginning of a relationship and depicts the history of those involved.  We generally start off with some preconceived notion about others..." (p. 24)

The odd thing is that I'm not sure that the problem was the preconceived notions about one another (me and the mission) was the problem.  Rather, it was what we learned about each other once I arrived there.  I felt misled because the things I'd been assured of were not so and I did not like the dishonesty and deceit of the mission and I did not trust it nor agree with its ways nor perceived need for this kind of blatant unbiblical behavior.  I'm not sure what the mission thought about me.  If they were concerned about my father's work it probably thought I would be too hard to control and so too much of a (national) security risk (and the staff military chaplains could possibly have contributed to that sentiment).  If they just wanted a mission in their image they might have been very upset.

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"The first ring around the rod represents the characteristics that lead to trust.  They are the attributes, such as integrity, reliability, and openness, that allow us to build trusting relationships.  Once these characteristics are demonstrated, they become part of a person's or organization's track record.  When those actions are repeated time and time again, the relationship is strengthened and becomes the foundation of the next phase." (p. 26)

I think that for the missionaries who make it through the socialization process they see the mission in all these positive ways, but I didn't.  The very first summer I was there I personally experienced the mission lie to me multiple times, and I've already shared these here more than once.  That's not integrity.  The mission moved me around from job to job and I was hardly even in the job I was supposed to be in.  What kind of reliability is that?  And there was never any complaint about my work, nor about my attitude!  I always had a good attitude and was social and helped out.  So it was just that they couldn't get to me and this security thing that they couldn't really control me and have my full and total submission.  So they didn't like it and they made me pay for it.  They didn't have openness either and that's why I couldn't understand them.  Oh, if I'd talk with them (when I bothered to) they'd have some mumbo jumbo think to say that didn't really mean anything.  But they were not really open.  No one else got moved around like me. No one.  Period.  And that's nothing to build a trusting relationship on.

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"The second ring, consistency, allows us to anticipate probable actions.  It provides a degree of comfort [by] helping us to maintain the relationship even through difficult times." (p. 26)

There was never any consistency in the relationship between me and the mission.  It did have a few brief interludes of reasonably good high points, though, generally because I was doing something I thought was using more of my skills on mission trips.  But the problems always remained, so when I returned back home everything would be just as usual. 

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"The third ring is faith; as it is added to the other two rings, everything that came before it is  strenghened.  This ring, which does not adhere to the others, but rather encompasses them, is the stage at which actions are so predictable that we don't consciously have to think about the relationship.  Trust has become so integral a part of the relationship that we expect it to work.  At their peak, relationships imbued with trust are welded together by a faith so strong that it is very difficult to destroy them.  It is at this stage that people allow themselves to become entirely vulnerable to others." (p. 26)

This is pretty much how the Vienna mission members were supposed to operate among each other as part of the mission, and I think they did.  The mission made sure they did, I think, because it was a security issue.  But they didn't feel it as a negative thing, unless somene had something to hide, I suppose, which is what the security aspect of it would have been meant to catch.

I didn't think I had anything to hide, but I refused to let anyone but God have that kind of power over me, because once you're in that kind of relationship I think you're hooked into it and I think it would be just about impossible to entertain your own thoughts or opinions with any conviction and have them conflict with the group.  You'd have to stifle them, but that kind of thing would come to light eventually and then you'd have a nice talk about it to put it in perspective so you could keep on with the work.  And before you know it your disagreements are not so important after all.

It's not like working at a seminary where you just don't teach everything, but you can still have strong opinions.  The seminary doeson't control your every thought like the Vienna mission did.  It's totally different. 

I just couldn't do it, I didn't think it was biblical and the deception of the mission was a huge red flag.  The mission did great work, but I don't like how they work.  And I don't like that they have political ties either (get the military chaplains out of there)..

In any case, it doesn't take much for you to imagine, I guess, that I absolutely could not be vulnerable.  Being vulnerable was how they sort of sucked you in.  That's how I thought while I was there.  So I ended out not ever being vulnerable and when I left they still didn't know what I was thinking.  If I had been vulnerable it would have been a whole lot harder than it was for me, I am very sure.

***

Here are a few of the traits from the frist ring...

"Integrity.  In assessing people's integrity, ask: Do theyhave a good value system? Are they honest, straightforward, and nonmanipulating?...


Confidence.... It is important to determine whether the people you build relationships with are comfortable within themselves and believe in themselves enough to admit their faults and errors.  Ask yourself, do they always have to be right?


Openness.  Opennesss.  Openness in relationships is built upon some existing level of trust.  You feel comfortable confiding in people knowing they would never break our confidence or use the information against you later.  If they respond to that openness as expected, trust is enhanced and intimacy and honesty grow.  It is not enough to be totally open and honest with your employees.  This philosophy must be demonstrated to your customers and suppliers as well." (p. 26, 28)

Integrity!  Despite the fact that the mission was comprised totally of conservative Evangelical Christians and mostly of advanced degree (Th.M. or higher) theologians the lifestyle use of deception for security and even just with me, presumably for socialization is despicable!  What kind of integrity is that for a Christian mission?!  It's terrible! And that was my early reaction and one of the main reasons I sort of put on the brakes and started observing them and trying to figure out what was going on.  They were lying to me and not giving me enough work to do, which was a waste of my supporters' money which was stupid and idiotic.  I'm not into that kind of gamesmanship.  Just get to the point and tell me what you want and get it out. That's not integrity.  I know a lot of non-Christians that have a lot more integrity than those people.

Regarding confidence, the leaders of the mission didn't always have to be right depending on the issue.  If it was something like the staff's field of work, then the leader might defer to the staff and admit error.  The leader might admit error if it were in, for example, a more mission-wide area of concern, but he might somehow hedge it to maintain his image.

I think that virtually everyone (except me) at the Vienna mission experience this openness as a kind of big happy family.  Once you got through the initial socialization period then you would be accepted by everyone and begin to be a part of this.  I think, though, that one probably grew into it as one internalized more and more of the missions norms proved oneself and values, proved oneself a valuable worker, and got to know the people in the mission better.

Again, I didn't get that far with the mission.  I learned early on that I couldn't confide in other missionaries because it would come back to me, in one way or another.  For example, I confided in a couple secretaries that I was experiencing some stress from the office.  I was recommended to jog, that some of the men jog as a way to relieve stress.  So that's why I started to jog, and I also bought a bike and I biked some.  A certain herb blend was also recommended that Austrians take for stress.  So I tried that.   Then the U.S. military chaplain/H.R. director called me saying I had culture shock and wanted to send me to the U.S. for counseling.  How do you think I felt about those secretaries about then?  What was my trust level vis a vis them at that point?  Do you think I'd be sharing anything personal with them again any time soon?  I don't think so!  So much for openness!  If there was any hope for openness it was just flushed right down the toilet.

It looks like me and the mission are stuck at the center rod as far as trust is concerned.  What do you think?

***

I was looking through the letters I had written mom and dad while I lived in Vienna (my brother sent them to me from mom's stuff from after she died).  I was writing all upbeat so that no one really knew what I was thinking, but I can still sense a change from the earlier letters to the later ones.  So I could use them to point that out and discuss the various things.  Some of the things I write about doing I'd forgotten. 

But the thing is that my migrains is not good and that will take some concentrated mental power for when I'm feeling pretty good.  It appears that the Botox shot worked about 3 weeks this time.  I hope it works longer next time, but I guess they only do them every 91 days, so I have to wait awhile for the next one.

28. Photo Journal (with Commentary)

One of the main reasons I have to jump around quite a bit chronologically is to be able to provide examples of certain things span various periods in my life. But as we move closer to a more detailed analysis of what happened in Vienna, Austria, I'm going to have to make sure I have all my ducks in a row and have covered the major things that need addressing as a lead up to that period.

But for this post, I'd like to present some photos that correspond with things we've already discusses. After all, on the Internet, I could just be anyone and how do you know this isn't all made up unless I provide some evidence to the contrary. And even if it wasn't on the Internet, you may or may not believe me then either. That's a lot of why I began these posts with a couple of major pieces of evidence to increase my credibility and also to hopefully convince you that I might be worth listening to and might have something worthwhile to say. But at this point in the game I confess that I'm getting a little nervous because it's risky for me to be so open about some things.

But for now, let's focus on these photos I've picked out from my modest collection.

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Pictures 1 & 2: Summer 1980



These two pictures were taken the first summer I began my intermittent work with Soviet emigres.

The first photograph was taken on an evening program we put together which included music, preaching and a skit. Here we are dramatizing the parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:23-35), which describes a scene in which a lord asked repayment of debts from servants who owed him. In this process, one beseeches the master to hold off and he will pay him back, and, being moved, the master lets him go. But in turn, the forgiven servant goes asking repayment from those who owe him money. When of of his debtors similarly begs forbearance of him, however, he denies him his request and has him sent to prison. When the master hears this he calls his servant to him and reneges on his earlier kindness and has him punished for nonpayment of the debt. The message is that if we are forgiven, we should turn around and likewise forgive your offenders. I'm the one in the yellow t-shirt.

The second photo was taken on a retreat that we put on for the emigrants. Here we are in a group photo. I'm sitting down at the end on the left.

We did a lot of other things, including leading English classes, helping with material needs as we were able, providing a Russian library they could borrow books from, having Russian vacation Bible school, and the like.

That summer I was full-time, if only for the summer, but later on when I lived and went to school there I also helped out as I could, such as manning the emigrant center once a week in the morning and doing some visitation.

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Pictures 3 & 4: Sept. 1981, France



These pictures were taken during the ten-days I was a delegate with the Seattle-Nantes Sister City exchange.

The man in the front on the left in the first picture is Mr. Noyes, the one who physicist who worked with my father. He is taking with Lise, who is from Seattle, but worked in the sister city office in Nantes; she was also the one who picked me up the first night when I came in so late after that timing mix-up with the trains that I mentioned in an earlier post. Even though I was very wiped out after the long trip and short night sleep I still arrived in time for the official welcoming of the group by the mayor at city hall the next morning at 9 a.m. prompt, and there's a newspaper photo of the group from that morning which I should have somewhere.

The woman to the right who looks like she's talking was the mistress of the family who I stayed with after the first night. She came on several of the excursions with us as she was available to do so. They had 3 lovely children, and I remember meeting them for the first time the next morning (we had a long day and the kids were in bed by the time I got there in the evening) and they were all ready for school and lined up to meet me. They were very sweet kids.

The second picture was taken on one of our excursions, this one to the salt marshes where the famous "fleur de sel" is harvested. If you're unfamiliar with that salt, you can read with David Lebovitz has to say about it here: http://www.davidlebovitz.com/archives/2006/09/fleur_de_sel_de_1.html.

We really were taken on some wonderful excursion and treated to some fabulous food (and wine) while on that exchange. The mayor of Seattle was supposed to be with us, but the election was in November, and so he felt he had to attend more to campaigning.

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Pictures 5 & 6: Oct. 1981, Klender Dijk Park, Holland



When S., the Italian gal in our group and I went to Amsterdam on one of our long weekend breaks from studying in Belgium, we took a day trip to this windmill park, which includes trails and historic village-type buildings. (I really like those outdoor museums!). We didn't stick together as a group once the bus brought us there, and in the second picture here you see S. on a bridge over a canal as we wandered around the park.

I don't know what S. would think if she saw these pictures, because her major was photography and she had some lovely photos.

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Pictures 7 & 8: Oct. 1981, Madrid



The top picture here is of the 4 of us (I'm in the back on the left) at a restaurant in Madrid that we found and liked so much that we went back to it. Not only was the food wonderful, but with the strong dollar we got a full meal, with appetizers and dessert and wine for about $5!

Then in the second picture we were sort of given special attention and the musicians singled us out and played for us which was kind of fun too. It felt like a real local place that Spaniards frequented, rather than a tourist spot, which was an extra draw for us too.

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Pictures 9 & 10, Nov. 1981, Stockholm & Copenhagen



After our group settled down for another month of study, this time in Germany, we once again took advantage of the long weekends to travel around. This trip to Stockholm was the longest trip I took on a weekend break, but the weather was gray in Stockholm, so I didn't want to show you my dismal outdoor museum pictures from there. You'll just have to trust me that this picture of my exchange student friend was taken in Stockholm. We had train transfers in Copenhagen which gave a little time to explore around, and you'll probably recognized this famous mermaid statue from the harbor there.

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Pictures 11 & 12, Summer, 1983, Austria



These pictures were taken the summer I was on a short-term summer ministry, stationed in Vienna. Specifically, these two were from my work in the refugee camp at Bad Kreuzen. Austria had set up dorm-type apartments for refugees from all over, but many from Eastern Europe at that time. Hungarians, Poles and Czechs were amongst those we spent time with. We did a lot of different things while there including just chatting or going mushroom picking in the woods around the town. But we also had Bible studies and children's groups and helped with language learning and the like. We were always careful to time our visits after the meal times, because otherwise they were likely to give us the lion's share of their food out of their generosity.

The top picture is taken of me and a Hungarian women we visited a lot when I was with the refugee camp team. While each of the people in the refugee camps had various claims for requesting refugee status, this woman had a somewhat unique situation because she had to colored children, and because of that she wasn't well accepted.

On the week's we were at the refugee camp we actually lived in another nearby town in a gasthaus where our room and board were both provided. As we were preparing to leave for the summer our hausfrau, the woman that ran the house, gifted us a bottle of wine, which you see in this photo. I kept in touch for a long time with a bunch of people from that summer, including some of the people on our refugee team (and also some of the refugees we worked with).

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I hope you understand that I'm not just showing you these pictures just for the heck of it, but to let you get to know me more and to give you some more evidence to back my words so that hopefully my credibility will be built up as I continue on. I don't exactly have concrete evidence for every little thing I say, so I have to at least show you that my story is reasonably credible.

These pictures show fun times and fun things, but not everything along the way has been so pleasant.