73. 1986-June 1987: Deputation: Here Comes Trouble...

I took care of a few business things, killed a worm on my cucumber plant, and a few other odds and ends. As an aside, I must say that the corn muffins that I made by a modified recipe - modified so I could use up my Swiss cheese and use a broken top of my dill - came out really great! But, I'm having some problems with my plants so I e-mailed the extension people to see if they can give me any tips.

But now let's get back to the business at hand...

Here I'm going to quote again from the human rights report, which will mean I back track just a bit so that the context is easier to follow.

***

By January of 1987 I thought I had raised the set amount to leave for Vienna, but the mission raised the amount with the stated reasoning that the dollar was falling. Well, the dollar wasn't falling as much as they were increasing my target amount.

I am not so sure but that they weren't testing me trying to get me to be more assertive about wanting to work in the Soviet Union. I figured that they asked me to be a secretary and that's what they wanted me to do. They don't like to be taken at face value, and when I did do that (which I generally try to do) they accused me of not being assertive enough. This happened all through my Vienna days & I'm sure we'll come back to it.

Another thing that happened during my first deputation trip regard[ed] my future housing in Vienna. I had sent ... the Director of the North American branch of ECM... a long letter explaining in some detail why I wanted to live alone, at least at first. The gist of my letter stated that I had moved a lot and lived in difficult situations and wanted to settle a bit into my own lifestyle, etc., which I had never really been able to develop. [The Director] readily agreed with this. However, when I was in Denver [on a deputation trip] I got a call from Alaska (my parents & the mission had my itinerary). It turned out that [another missionary with a different mission being sent to the same joint mission I was], whom I had never heart of till then, expected me, along with another girl, to be her roommate in Vienna. I, of course, informed her that she must be in error as I was going to be living alone.

I later discussed this with [the Director], and he told me that there must have been some mix-up in Vienna, because it wasn't his doing, etc., etc. Well, later, through observation I learned that the "office" workers with the mission in Vienna didn't live alone. The first two years you were generally "trained" in mission ways (I think more akin to brainwashing) and if you stayed on after that then you became the senior worker to train your junior roommates. It's awful. My Mom saw it, too.

In addition, it's hard for me to believe that [the Director] was actually so "innocent" in this matter as his office... alone had my itinerary. He must have given someone this information. I don't see why the Vienna offices of ECM or the Vienna mission I was on loan too would need such information.

Before I left for Vienna my father told me that I might be requested to undergo a security briefing at his work. He had already told me that he had a security clearance through the Pentagon (not through Boeing, per se, as I understand it). I didn't think anything of this, that it was anything to worry about. Dad was always very supportive of me going into mission work. Nothing ever came of the possible briefing, but Dad did also mention that it was possible that in a communist country someone might try to kidnap me in exchange for information from Dad. That was the only concern I ever heard about to this point. I got the impression that everyone thought that I was trustworthy on that regard - although it wasn't until much later I thought about it like that.

Actually, it never occurred to me till several years later that it was even possible for me to have problems on account of Dad's work. But after my Vienna years back in Seattle, [a worker with another mission that had East European work] told me that many people whose parents are in military work aren't even allowed into E. Eur. mission work. That certainly had never even crossed my mind as being a possibility. By that point I had lived through enough that it didn't matter. I had already decided that I had to obey God rather than man (i.e., government) and I felt called by God to work in these countries, especially the Soviet Union. No one had ever told me not to study Russian, work with emigrants, etc. anyway. I had already spent several years of my life in preparation for that kind of work and it was the primary professional training I had received.

***

So you can see that there were already some real problems developing on several fronts. Because of my experience with SGA and the responses to the questionnaire I'd sent out to missions I was sensitive to questionable things in missions. I was still somewhat (!) naive regarding how my work would be affected by dad's (and vice versa to a certain extent). I don't remember this early having the assertiveness issue come up. I was certainly assertive regarding requesting to live alone. But I do know this did come up in Vienna, and it's possible it did this early.

I'm not including all the names here because that's not the main issue, although I might reveal those names after I identify myself, assuming I do identify myself at some point. It's getting a big unwieldy not using the name of the mission I was on loan with though.

I don't think I ever mentioned to any of the mission people that I was a bit irked that they increased my required support amount more than seemed reasonable. This could have been something they were doing across the board though and they may have thought that it would be better to start off with enough, knowing that support can drop over time for various reasons, requiring constant work at it, which a two-year sting wouldn't provide a lot of opportunity for doing. And they didn't know how much more the exchange rate would fall.

Sometimes it's hard to know when to take things at face value and when to read something into it. I mean if you think of all the potential converging here for things to happen that might not be your standard every day sort of fare, you can maybe understand the difficulty to make such discernments.

In such a circumstance, what's worse, taking everything at face value and responding likewise, even when you suspect there's something else going on, or to go the other way and tend more toward reading into things according to apparent implications and responding in kind. Right or wrong, I tended toward the former position, but in the end I felt like a stiff branch that got broken in the storm, rather than a flexible willow branch (for example) that just bent along with it.

***

Before we go on to my arrival in Vienna, I'm going to discuss another file. I'm not sure which one yet because there's a lot I'd like to delve into before I start in on Vienna.

70. 1983: Orientation to Acceptance

From this point on it's going to be difficult, because I have to go largely by memory and what scattered pieces of written information I have. This first part isn't so crucial, but eventually details will be pretty important, so I'll do my best to recreate what happene

***

So we left off that I had decided to apply to go with European Christin Mission. I was accepted to their orientation, which was just the first step in the process and was not a guarantee that I would be accepted (or, I suppose, I could also have at that point not to proceed). I think I also mentioned that that week-long orientation took place June 1985.

I mentioned here that one political/economic jab at Communist countries, but other than that (which I may not have thought much of at the time, anyway, actually) I really liked what I saw and I liked the people and the spirit of the organization.

I guess it was pretty much what you'd expect in that kind of a situation. There were 12 of us applicants, including some couples, all interested in different parts of the mission's operation. Our formal classroom-type sessions included such topics as: Bible study, European studies, cultural adjustments, church planting, strategy, religions, mission structure, and finances, for example, all of which we were tested on. We also had social events and individual meetings with the leadership, where we could get to know each other better and discuss relevant topics of interest.

It was actually a very busy time and went by quickly. There were a couple other things about this time that might bear noting here.

The first one is a little ironic and only indirectly actually relates to the mission, something that happened on my way to the orientation. To get to the orientation I had to cross the Canadian border. Now you understand, this isn't supposed to be like going through Check Point Charlie or leaving the USSR escorted by gun-toting border patrol in the middle of the night. But here I was trying to get into Canada with a passport and whatever other ID they might request... and, oh no! Christian literature! Yes, I had difficulties entering Canada when my stacks of Christian literature was discovered in my trunk. Believe you me, I never expected this kind of thing, but there I was having to argue with a border guard because I had too much Christian literature. Maybe Canada is in need of missionaries more than Europe.

The issue was that when this literature was discovered I was asked what it was for, so I told him I was going to an orientation. So he locked onto that and asked if it was a school or if it was for work, and I really got the nth degree on that one. At least in Germany (West) I could be a student there for 89 days or less and not have to have a visa, but 7 days in Canada is enough to warrant a lot of suspicion. I eventually got through the border, though, literature intact.

The other thing was that during my turn having a private meeting with the leadership one thing I do remember mentioning is how I had so arduously looked around to select them and I'm afraid I did mention a few things about SGA, although I can't remember what exactly I said. Generally speaking, in job interviews (which this was sort of, if you think about it) you shouldn't knock previous employers. I think the point in me bringing that up, though, was not so much to knock SGA (and what about all those horrid responses - or non-responders - to my questionnaire!) but to express my desire to make sure I find a mission that shares my values and approach to missions.

***

I'm going to quote from my human rights report again (a lot of what I wrote was mainly background information as a lead up to the main "human rights" issues):

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During Candidates' Course we had "lessons" introducing us to the mission and European missions (ECM works in many countries in West Europe... as well as in Eastern Europe). We also had opportunities to use the skills we might need in working with ECM... Generally a decision would be made as to acceptance for work with the mission and specific assignment by the end of the week.

During a couple of meetings with board members (formal & informal meetings) I was honest when asked about why I wasn't pursuing work with SGA. I think this reputation followed me to Vienna. It's one thing to avoid spilling genuine 'professional' secrets, it's another to be required to be quiet in the face of unethical dealings. Many evangelizal ministries, especially non-denominational or interdenominational ones are really under no ecclesiastical authority - are not accountable to anyone. Therefore it is not difficult to see ow such organizations could easily go awry and be undetected as such for some time...

These issues that I discussed with the Board members I had long since discussed with people at SGA, including one talk I had (I requested it) with Peter Deyneka, Jr. I got no indication that there was any intention on their part to change, but they wanted to (evidently) keep these matters secret.

At the end of Candidates' Course I was told that since I had gotten my application in late they couldn't give me an answer right away. Later, I learned that the BEE Board, Ester European Council (of ECM) and ECM's International Board of Directors all had to meet at their appointed times to make a decision regarding my application.

I didn't learn until 5 months later that I was accepted to work with [the composite mission in Vienna] as the assistant director's secretary for a 2-year term. During those 5 months I lived with my parents and worked as a bookkeeper.

***

I'll leave off there for now. I'll take you through my deputation time (right up to before I leave for Vienna) and then we'll look at another file before starting in on my time in Vienna.

Good night!

~ Meg