By "marathon" I mean I was running all day like in a marathon.
I started out at the Vocational Rehabilitation office where I was supposed to sign my work agreement. I updated the social worker on my health condition and we agreed to stall a bit, but signed it with that caveat. Hopefully it won't be too much longer before I can work again.
Then from there I had physical therapy, but I had to try to get medical records, especially lab reports, from a couple of doctor's offices near where my physical therapy is. The first office actually handles medical records at another site, so they're mailing them to me. The second place gave them to me, but I was late to physical therapy by that time, so I came back after p/t to pick them up.
After p/t I quickly grabbed a sandwich for lunch (to eat in the car) and then swung by to get the second set of medical records. Then I headed to my allergy doctor appointment. My face was pretty swollen again this morning, but as the day wore on it subsided.
I got to the appointment and the gal at the front desk put me on the phone with the person (someone different from who I talked to when I called from home) who is in charge of insurance for them, and basically it became clear that they were always going to require a co-pay from me ($30 per doctor visit). So with that new and apparently final information, I told them that I couldn't continue there in that case because I couldn't afford the co-pays, especially if there were going to be frequent appointments, which it was looking like was going to be the case.
Then I went to BJ's because I was halfway there at that point and I was running on empty. Then I stopped by Giant to get prune juice for my IBS and stopped in at State Farm. It turned out, though, that I guess I didn't have enough money in my credit card account to pay 3 months. At least I have till Oct. 16 to pay. I feel like I'm just not keeping up with expenses and I've been starting to cut back on things like supplements that I know work for me. It's just a vicious circle.
I haven't had time to really go through the medical records I got from the one doctor, but in just quickly glancing through them I see that last time I saw him he noted that my voice was raspy, which I've been noticing too and asked my physical therapist if she noticed anything, and she said it sounded almost like I'm sick or something, and I don't have a cold or sore throat. So that's one more issue to address. Sometimes it's hard to know which symptoms are important and which are just trivial, especially when there are so many health things going on.
The issue with the allergy doctor is a big set back in the sense that this doctor was starting to believe me that I did have a serious allergy (He wanted me back in just 1 week, for example). But I'm becoming more and more convinced that the problem is dust mite allergy and it seemed like he was more inclined to think it was the Lyrica which can cause these kinds of symptoms. But my physiatrist agrees with me that I've been on Lyrica too long with no problems so she doesn't think that's it. Last week, I did see a new allergy doctor who takes both of my insurances. He didn't see me at my worst though, as I'd started back on my medicines already. He said that sometimes these things wear off, so I should see him again in a month or 6 weeks and try to wean myself off some of the medicines to see what happens. So I'll be sure to do that before I see him, so he can see me how I am without the 3 allergy medicines.
I don't think it's going to wear off, but I do think that if it's the dust mites my bedroom is just a perfect incubator for them and it's an uphill battle fighting it, especially when I don't feel that well anyway. What I mean by being a perfect incubator for the dust mites is that the bedroom has carpeting and also my tiny closet doesn't fit all my clothes, so I have some hanging up, although I've been working at decreasing that and when I have some extra money (!!) I'd like to get garment bags for the rest, which would hopefully contain that part of the problem a bit. Today I found a dust mite cover at BJs for my box springs, so now my whole bed plus pillows will be covered. I'd been looking for these there, as that's where I got the other ones too, but I hadn't seen the right size until today. I really couldn't afford it, but I do know it's helped and as far as these things go it's not a big expenditure.
I'm really wiped out after that big day, but I just made roasted cauliflower, which made the smoke alarms in my apartment go off. The overhead fan above the stove doesn't work. Nothing was burning and it didn't even smell like burning, but I got out a little fan and opened the door until I finished. I think it got all the neighbors out though; I apologized for the noise, but they were understanding.
So now, for a quick health round up, I am having continuing allergic reactions, my IBS is acting up, I'm having weakness in the legs still (reminiscent of the kind of weakness I had before my back surgery a couple years ago), and I'm having a hoarse voice too. I think that's it, at least for the main things. I made an appointment with my primary care physician again.
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On another front, I got a call from Mom tonight. She wanted my address because her aunt wants to give me an my brothers (and other relatives, mom included) some early monies from her will, probably next year some time. I told mom that the reason I hadn't given her my address was because I was sick of them using the money issue manipulatively and I don't want anything from them. If she wants to give me a Christmas gift, fine, but nothing else. I don't care how bad off it gets for me, I've learned too much from this family that getting help from them always has strings attached. I made sure she understood that before I gave her my address. She promised not to give it to my brothers though.
I'd like to say a little more about this family thing and money. Last February, when I had my 50th birthday, mom didn't even call. Now she didn't have my address here so she couldn't have sent me anything if she wanted. But she could at least have called, because my phone number (and e-mail too) were unchanged. She doesn't use e-mail though. I believe that the reason she didn't call was because she uses money in a manipulative way and if there was no way she could send me a gift and she just called, she would not be in a superior powerful position vis a vis me, and she will not accept that in a relationship with me. In a sense, sadly enough, it comes across to me that the only thing she has to offer this family is money. From my standpoint, I'd be glad to get the money issue out of the way. I think I mentioned earlier on this blog, though, that my family doesn't know how to have egalitarian relationships and this is one example of that. I'm sure we'll come across lots of others along the way as I go along in this blog.
The other thing I'd like to mention about that phone call is our brief discussion about vegetables. We discussed the vegetables we were both going to prepare tonight and she mentioned that all of the family likes our vegetables. I mentioned that I didn't think Rich did so much, and she immediately disagreed that it was because of his 2 boys that he couldn't eat different vegetables. I told her that my experience last summer was that he used his sons as a crutch when he himself is actually pretty picky and he can be pretty forceful in his preferences too. She didn't agree with me, but I told her that I personally experienced some of his put downs in this regard and said that I felt sorry for his boys if they experienced some of this kind of thing too, which I am all but 100% sure they do. She said the boys are doing fine and there's no problem there. End of conversation.
I really can't stand my family. Mom's going to do everything in her power, I think to try to bring us all together again, and if it looks at all like I might gain some strength they'll be only too willing to declare me crazy. And remember, when it happens, you heard it here first.
One example of how this could transpire is if I get really sick and mom goes in emergency savior mode and can't contain her desire to have everyone concerned about me, such as by means of furtive prayer requests on my behalf. Then if the family is not involved in saving me from what is clearly something not of my own making they would look bad and that is unacceptable. And to reject their assistance is surely a sign of craziness, because who in their right mind would reject assistance from family members?
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Even though this is all dealing with the present, when I get back to dealing with the historical events, hopefully these things will help you understand some of what went on earlier.
