I'm sure even the casual reader has picked up that I have a fair amount of anger built up. It's just that my whole life since about 1987 (or earlier) has more or less been like what I've been describing the past year's events. The people, places and specific issues have changed, but it boils down to one set of crises followed by another just like you see here. It would be foolish to claim that my decisions, actions and words never played a part, but a lot of it was out of my control, like what you see here. Just in the past year, the examples include:
1) Losing 2 good career jobs due to health that was basically outside of my control.
2) Egregious (I think) medical care/blundering (at times)
3) Difficult family (and other) relationships
I don't think I tend towards anger, except when I feel like I'm not being taken seriously, being (what appears to be) intentionally misunderstood, and being mistreated, especially in relation to those who I think should know better and are being the problem through some kind of self-interest and/or ill-intent and it is regarding something that has a major impact on me. Then when I feel helpless in such situations I might turn to anger. But, as has been pointed out, absent a direct means of expressing my anger that I feel might be affective, I turn to passive aggression. This, of course, is not healthy, and I know it. So my response tends to be to retreat in to myself so that I can limit these kinds of interactions, especially when I feel otherwise vulnerable for some reason (such as too many of these things going on at once, no support network, precarious finances, etc.).
I think after I graduated from college (undergraduate) I started taking more initiative at coming to my own understanding of the world (at least the parts of it that were relevant to me), and I haven't been satisfied with letting others take over that task for me. This can lead to difficulties, however. For example, over time I have developed strong views about the Church, politics, culture, etc. and these views don't easily mesh with any particular group I might find myself a part of. Also, if I find myself in situations and/or relationships where I feel like someone (or some group) is trying (consciously or otherwise, directly or otherwise) to change me (especially forcefully), I set up my defenses against that effort. And if I feel that there isn't a way to correct such efforts in relation to me, then I might develop some anger about it.
In the situation with the brother about the condo reserves, I think there were probably several things going on. One is that he may well have wanted (consciously or otherwise) to feel useful and even important. But he is probably also trying to find a way to deal with his grief about the loss of mom, and he may well need to feel useful, at least. Also, I think he really does want the best for me because he knows that I don't have many options and resources open to me and so he doesn't want me to get into a mess and have everything crash around me if the condo association has problems.
Despite all that, however, there really was, as far as I'm concerned no need for him to send that report to me because I had already made clear that my former condo complex had a lot of money (although I no longer have the records and so don't know the exact figures) and I understood what the risk was. The thing is that I don't expect him to understand what I want and need and that I have found no other complex in the area that would work for me.
Also, this is how I predict things could happen:
1. I buy a unit in this complex (with practically no reserves), and my brothers might not visit me (because it is a nice complex and the sibling rivalry would kick in and it would not be in their positional advantage to visit me).
2. I buy something cheaper where the complex has more reserves, and my brothers might visit me and treat me patronizingly because they know they are in a superior position housing-wise, so it is their advantage to visit me to rub that in.
In neither situation, however, will my brothers truly help me, or they will only help me in such a way as to undermine my independence, and perhaps in a way that is not necessarily in my best interests. That is, they might help me only in a way that benefits them.
I'm 51 years old and the oldest of the 3 of us, and I am speaking this way from all these years og experience in this birth family.
