I'm posting again tonight because I forgot that I'd decided to shower this evening so now I have to let my hair dry. I'm actually 3 hours later than the time stated here, which must be Pacific time.
I think I mentioned before that I had lots of friends in my youth. It wasn't until I went to work in Vienna, Austria with a mission organization (actually there were a bunch of organizations in this one project).
Before that, it seemed that everything I got involved in gave me new friends. In high school and as an undergraduate I had several parties (not the wild ones you might think of though). For example, I put on a buffet party where friends came from 3 hours north and over an hour from the south just for a one-evening party! And a lot of people didn't know each other before, but everyone got along just great!
Another time, when I was house-sitting for my grandmother, I had a pool party with lunch and all. I only remember I made strawberry shortcake with pound cake for dessert.
I also organized a couple hikes, and went on short trips with friends during that time.
I also had friends all over the place. For example, I already mentioned the Swedish exchange student, but I also met up with a Belgian friend a couple times, once in London, that I remember most specifically. I corresponded with a gal from Australia that I'd met on a 500th anniversary of Martin Luther tour in East Germany. When I lived in Austria I visited friends in Istanbul that I went to Bible school with. I could go on, but you get the picture.
That first began to change when I was in Vienna. I was asked specifically to shorten my prayer letter list. We all had to submit our prayer letters for approval before sending them out to people, and the leadership of this multi-mission group didn't like that I sent my letters to so many people. I wanted to keep in touch with these people, though, and this was a good way to do it, and the vast majority of people on my list were Christians anyway, so at the very least they could pray for me and the work I was involved in. So keeping in touch with these people became a little harder (it's not like I had massive amounts of free time). Also, sanding out the prayer letters came out of my own budget anyway, so it's not like they had to pay for the extra letters to be sent out.
Then they made it more difficult in other ways to keep in touch with friends. One really dramatic thing they did involved a couple friends who visited me in Vienna. The formal policy of the mission was to let people have some time off if financial supporters came to visit, and it so happened that these friends were also financial supporters, but I didn't get time off when they came. It was very difficult, and I would like to have spent more time with them.
Another time another friend wanted to come and asked if there was something she could do if she used her vacation time to come. Now it was not unusual for workers to have people come who wanted to help out and usually something was found for them to do, but in this case this was not even up for discussion - she wouldn't be able to help out.
Then I was going to use some vacation time to visit friends in East Germany that I'd met while studying German in West Berlin. But that was also nixed.
Then gradually I was excluded from social things at the mission and sort of sidelined in my work there too. It was really awful for me because I'd really worked hard for this career and then to see this happen.
But my life in Vienna outside the mission wasn't so bad. I went to a little German-speaking Austrian church (i.e., not an expat church) most of the time until the end when I got tired of fighting their pressures on me. I also had other friends outside the mission. One Austrian lady and I got together several times. I remember having lunch at her place and us going swimming at a public pool near her. I also had a Canadian friend there who was a music student at a conservatory in Vienna.
After Vienna I was pretty broken in spirit and that was the first big thing (not really an event) in my life that began to change my outlook, values and beliefs. So that, in a nutshell, is how I got to where I am with few friends.
I've tried throughout the years to make friends one way or another, but the constant moving around has also taken its toll and now my health makes it hard for me to do a lot, which doesn't help either.
Through all my experiences, each time learning something new and changing in some way(s) or another, I've become sort of a hybrid that doesn't really fit in anywhere ideologically. Of course, on a surface level I could probably find people to do things with and try not to get into beliefs and values, but that would be hard for me too because, as you might by now have guessed, I'm somewhat cerebral. (I'm not saying I'm a genius; just that I like to think about things).
I think the few friends I do have from a long time ago are a bit confused and might feel somewhat estranged from me. I think it would be just about impossible, though, to have gone through some of the things I have and not be changed somewhat by them.
I think that's enough on that topic for now, but my hair's still wet and it's almost midnight. I'll probably have to blow dry it some to speed it up a bit.
Good night.
~ Meg
