I was reviewing some of my notes from my class (a long time ago now) on adult development and learning. I wanted to find something succinct and to the point that fit here, but, unfortunately, I haven't been able to find anything. So this is going to be a bit of a hodge-podge.
The last hundred years or so have seen a lot of theorizing about adult development, based on things like physical aging, social normative roles, personal development and growth, etc. Of course, all the theories are criticized for something or the other and none of them completely describe the whole process or apply universally to everyone everywhere. That doesn't seem like a lot of help, but all this discussion does help a bit in bringing up various issues.
One thing I remembered, even before reviewing my notes, about these theories, is the idea that society (wherever you are, in whatever social group you belong) pretty much sets expectations about the basic path you should follow from birth to death. Maybe you remember this old song that sort of sums up this basic idea:
Malvina Reynolds
1. Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes made of ticky-tacky,
Little boxes, little boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.
There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.
2. And the people in the houses
All go to the university,
And they all get put in boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.
And there's doctors and there's lawyers
And business executives,
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.
3. And they all play on the golf-course,
And drink their Martini dry,
And they all have pretty children,
And the children go to school.
And the children go to summer camp
And then to the university,
And they all get put in boxes
And they all come out the same.
4. And the boys go into business,
And marry, and raise a family,
And they all get put in boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.
There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.
These lyrics speak of a certain socio-economic class in mid-20th century USA, but the words could be changed to fit other relevant expectations for different times, places and groups of people.
I wasn't quite born into this class, but one side of my family was sort of like that, but more on the academia end of things rather than in the business world.
The point is, though, that after I graduated from my undergraduate schools I pretty much didn't meet any of the normative expectations for my age. So that makes it hard, too, for me to immediately fit into new situations. In the USA there is more lenience for diversity, but still, you have to fit in somewhere, and I usually have a hard time finding a niche in new places.
Another thing we learn from adult development theory is that there are often these crisis periods in life that people are supposed to grow from. Generally, these crisis periods are said to happen at certain ages, give or take 2 or 3 years, and involve somewhat specific issues. Again, those crisis periods sort of bypassed me and since I've lived in different places where their crisis periods and issues might have been different anyway, I'm really a mess as far as fitting into some neat little social norm.
A third thing is not exactly taken from adult development theory, but I think it's related anyway. Studies have looked at how children of one nationality raised in another culture fare in relation to their identity and those divergent cultures. This applies, for example, to expat children of missionaries, business people, or oversees military workers. I think, though, that even though I didn't experience living overseas as a child, that I can relate to some of these things. Some children are able to use their bi-cultural experiences as a strength, but others feel lost in both cultures and a misfit not really belonging anywhere, and others might identify more with one culture than the other and more or less reject the other culture.
When I lived in Russia, especially, expats were few and far between where I was. I think when I first got there I was likely the only one at the time. And I became disillusioned with these sort of "ugly Americans" who would come there acting like the Russians were idiots or didn't bother to learn anything about the Russians, including the language. So I often sort of avoided foreigners.
Certainly day in and day out I was around only Russians and spoke only Russian, except to teach English. I even spoke Russian with other English teachers, even though their English might have been very good. That was never anything I particularly wanted, but that's just how we interacted. So when I came back to the USA it was often somewhat difficult and even my English was a bit rusty, especially as I wasn't used to speaking fluently and using idioms freely.
If it's true that who we are, at least in part, is a compilation of our experiences, then I'm a misfit everywhere. Who can understand what I've seen and experienced? Who can really understand my reactions and conclusions then either?
During World War II their were rumors coming out of Germany of horrors at the concentration camps, but we (the USA, at least officially) didn't believe them. It seemed to incredible that these things could really be happening. Well, I'm not going to say that anything about my life was that bad, but it was certainly way out of the experience of most people in the West.
With all of this in my background, I have to sort of become somewhat oblivious to what people think of me. I understand that people, just by looking at me can't have any real idea of my background. Sometimes if it really affects how I'm treated I get irritated, but I mostly try to forgive their misconceptions because it's understandable.
I need to get going now (again). We have a scorcher here and I need to tend to my plants and also look at my finances to see if I can take care of a few things or if I have to wait till I get my SSDI deposit.
Till next time...
~ Meg
