For those of you (if any) who might have followed from earlier, I should let you know that from all the interruptions and my concerns/worries that I had so many files and would I get to them all, I just decided that I would take my time and do the chronology whenever I get around to it. So that's how it's going to be. But I'm going to throw in surprises like this one here from time to time, so don't sit on your laurels too much and think that it's all going to be esoteric head trip stuff or something, because you might be surprised. Even some of the esoteric stuff might see more down to earth than you might expect, though.
***
There is one thing that I've been saying all along that could have been a surprise to the Vienna mission people if they read it. They could have been even skeptical about it that it was even true, like maybe I'm making it up this late in the game. So I want to deal with this.The thing is, as I've been saying, that I never had a bad attitde or complained about anything while I was with the mission, right? At the same time, I was horrified about all these things and when I was sent back to the USA I learned to keep my thoughts and emions to myself so I lived a kind of double life after that: my inner life and what everyone else saw, including what I wrote in letters. Well, that's easy for me to just say that, but I could just be making it up.
Of course, I can't prove it exactly 100%, but I can give evidence that this probably was indeed happening. I can't prove it because I was scared to death to keep a journal or write my thoughts down while I was in Vienna.
When I was living in Vienna I didn't have a computer (except at work, of course), so all my letters were written on a typerwriter, except my prayer letters and maybe a few rare exceptions which I wouldn't have saved to the hard drive and I didn't have floppies to save to. So all I have are the letters I wrote to mom and dad. I've picked out one letter that I think is particularly clear, but it's not the only one I could have used.
This one was written while I was in Vienna Nov. 8, 1988. I won't quote the whole thing here, because it's not all relevant to the point.
"Dear Mom & Dad,
...
Last week was HECTIC!! I had to prepare for my part at the English club, prepare for a children's church meeting and for children's church, thewhole hour of which I led. So that pretty much took up my evenings. This week is much quieter, though, and I'm taking advantage of the opportunity to get caught up on some things. I've made a list things to do for just about ever night this week.
Hopefully I'll be able to have a little free time this weekend. I need to finish up my Christmas shipping, hopefully, Saturday morning so that I can get the things off to you guys. I'm planning on sending Bruce and Rich's gifts to you all, as well. I've gotten stocking stuffers for you four, but let me know if I should get anymore.
I've started on a tape for you; I guess I'm 1/3 or 1/4 of the way through it. It may take a while to get it to you, though.
I've gotten to use more of my Russian lately at the office. I've done a little transliterating and translating. I'm trying to spend some time studying the language, as well. Most recently ugh, I've just been reading. I think that helps, too, though. Sometimes the vocabulary is pretty easy for me, but not always. The last article, about the idea of a remnant in the Bible was pretty tough.
Well, I guess that's most of the news..."
Doesn't sound too bad, right? Reading it you'd think that it could be coming from any missionary, at least working in that area. There's absolutely no sign of anything wrong at all. Nothing, nil, zilch. But that'show I'd been programmed to be at the mission, you see? I had to be that way? What else could I do? How could I get out? You make a wrong move and they have you being a slithering idiot, that's it. So you can't.
In the early summer of 1989 I left the mission because my 2 year term was up, and there was nothing they could do because my term was up.
"Sat. 11/1/89
I did it! I finally went out and bouth a journal!"
Fast forward to the entry of...
"21 Dec. 1989, Wed.
I woke up really angry this morning. It's like I had just relived again these past two years with with all the stupid games they played with me. The [sic] didn't know this, but a big reas why I didn't want to keep a journal was that I knew my toughts would be incriminating. They would have kicked me out long before they did, since I was so angry. They sure didn't know me as well as they thought they did!"
That's just a smidgeon of what I have to share with you. I have so much, it's enough to make your head spin.
