Since my cousin called a couple days ago I think I've felt more sadness about mom's death. Maybe her call helped me open up and not be so tense about things related to the family.
I think that both of my parents died unhappy. Dad was pushing himself in the care of mom and it was clearly getting the best of him, even though he was a very strong person. Mom, well, if she weren't sad I don't expect she'd have committed suicide. But it's really sad to me that both of them died unhappy. It seems to me that they deserved better (despite our relational issues over the years). But at least it's better for them now.
Then, regarding the rest of the family that's left behind, namely me and my two brothers and two nephews (who are all but dead to me because of that thing their father, my brother, made me sign a couple years ago). As soon as things stabilize for me (e.g., health, where I'm living, etc.) I've got to figure out how I can make some friends. I wouldn't be surprised if the future holds some more rocky interactions between me and my brothers. So I don't plan on depending on them for my relational needs.
