291. Organizational Behavior, Pt. 17 (Katz, pt. 2)

I saw one of my neurologists this afternoon and he's ordering an MRI of my lumbar and also upping my migraine (?) medicine again (!).  Then when I got home and did some cleaning (I'm trying to do a thorough post-remodeling cleaning, but it's going slowly because I don't feel well) I plugged the steam vacuum into an outlet and discovered the outlet doesn't work, so that's another thing for the plumber/electrician to return and fix.  I forgot to tell him that I found his tape measure in addition to the level I'd already notified him about.

But back to the text.  I'm skipping some parts that don't seem to useful and picking up at a section titled "Types of Motivational Patterns."

***

"It is profitable to consider the possible motivational patterns in organizations under six major headings... These patterns are: (1) conformity to legal norms or rule compliance; (2) instrumental system rewards; (3) instrumental individual rewards; (4) intrinsic satisfaction from role performance; (5) internalization of organizational goals and values; and (6) involvement in primary-group relationships." (p. 135)

The author discusses each of these separately and I'm going to have to follow Katz to get his intended meanings.

***

"Rule compliance or conformity to system norms.  Conformity constitutes a significant motivational basis for certain types of organizational behavior... Once people enter a system they accept the fact that membership in the system means complying with its legitimate rules.  In our culture we build up during the course of the socialization process a generalized expectation of conforming to the recognized rules of the game if we want to remain in the game... We develop a role readiness, i.e., a readiness to play almost any given role according to the established norms in those systems in which we become involved." (p. 134)

Now this is definitely relevant to my Vienna experience, so the thing is just to flush it out.  I already discussed socialization at some length here so we already know about that vis a vis my experience with the Vienna mission.  When I went to Vienna I certainly had every intention of conforming and did not foresee the type of total institution and anti-Christian (in my opinion) aspects of what was going on (deception/lying, misuse of psychology, military connections, etc.).  

So then you have to deal with that pesky work "legitimate" in the text.  as in "complying with its legitimate rules".  The rules (explicit or otherwise) that I was as illegitimate I could not comply with, and the ruler that I used to judge whether they were legitimate or not was Scripture and I thought that that was a fair ruler because this was an Evangelical Christian organization involved in Christian ministry.  In this way then I could not comply or conform to the aspects of their rules that I saw as illegitimate, but I did comply to the "rules" I thought were reasonable and legitimate.  This wasn't acceptable to them, however, because they were a total institution and rules were to be accepted all or nothing, as I've already discussed elsewhere.

***

"Instrumental system rewards. These are the benefits which accrue to individuals by virtue of their membership in the system.  They are the across-the-the-board rewards which apply to all people in a given classification in an organization.  Examples would be the fringe benefits, the recreational facilities, and the working conditions which are available to all members of the system or subsystem.  These rewards are instrumental in that they provide incentive for entering and remaining in the system and thus are instrumental for the need satisfaction of people." (p. 134)

 Operant conditioning? In my case they also used punishment - the removal of rewards, such as when I wasn't allowed days off when supporter-friends came from the States to visit me, when the rules said we were supposed to get days off in such cases.  So that was a case of punishment.  Otherwise, if you were on good behavior you were eligible to receive all kinds of instruments system rewards and all kinds of warm fuzzy group belongingness. 

***

"Intrinsic satisfaction accruing from specific role performance. Here the gratification comes not because the activity leads to or is instrumental to other satisfactions such as earning more money but because the activity is gratifying in itself. " (p. 134)

You'd think that missionaries would generally have a lot of this, and this would have been true for a lot of the people I worked with in Vienna.  But it wasn't true for me because I never felt like I did anything that used my gifts or knowledge and half the time I felt like I was just being shuffled around or not really having much of anything to do even, so this wasn't really true for me in Vienna.

So I came to Vienna convinced that the work the mission did was crucial for the growth of Christianity in Eastern Europe, although I wasn't that excited about the position I was going to, but I was told it would be okay if I had outside ministry with the Austrians so I could have people ministry because I didn't want to just do secretarial work.  But when I got to Vienna the mission made it very difficult for me to have an outside ministry and they made my life hell altogether and eventually I lost faith in them although I tried to keep doing my work to the end.  So at that point neither my part of the work nor the work as a whole gave my satisfaction, because I didn't like my work and I'd lost faith in the organization.

***

"Internalized values of the individual which embrace the goals of the organization. Here the individual again finds his organizational behavior rewarding in itself, not so much because his job gives him a chance to express his skill, but because he has taken over the goals of the organization as his own." (p. 134)

Before I even arrived in Vienna I had embraced what I thought were the goals of the mission, but, as I've discussed elsewhere, I never internalized the values of the mission as I experienced them while with the mission.  That's why I remained somewhat of an outsider until the day I left, and I may be the only 2-year termer that ever left under such conditions, not having succumbed to the mission's socialization processes.  

When you think about all I went through with the mission it's pretty amazing that I didn't succumb, but I've always been the type that reserves the right to make my own decisions and I'm not afraid to be different from others.

***

"Social satisfactions derived from primary-group relationships. This is an important source of gratification for organizational members." (p. 134)

I've also discussed my identification group (the other secretaries) at length, so I won't belabor it here.  I'll just say that if I'd had a primary-group that I really could identify with I may have had more social satisfaction and that may have somehow changed things, although I can't say how because of so many other unknowns.  I do know, however, that the primary group the mission set up for me wasn't one I felt a particular affinity for so it didn't do a whole lot for my "social satisfaction." Sure I did some things with them (mostly on an individual basis), but not really any more than with others.

***

Reviewing my comments above it looks like there might be a motivational problem regarding my organizational behavior while with the Vienna mission.  In light of this, it's rather amazing that I complied at all!  So why did I comply?  What was my motivation if none of these usual bases seem to adequately explain any compliance I may have exhibited?

One possible explanation might be found in Kohlberg's stages of moral development.  I think that stage 5, the social contract, might possibly fit here.  I had committed to 2 years working with the mission and I was going to adhere to my commitment.  So staying, which might be a kind of compliance, and not just up and leaving could be explained by Kohlberg's theory.

The other thing is that although I had major issues with the mission, there definitely were things that I could comply with with no problem.  But the thing was that, as I've mentioned before, since the mission was a total institution, the norms weren't a smorgasbord where you could pick and choose what you want; rather, you had to accept everything, the whole kit and caboodle, preferably with no questions asked.  So I might as well have just rejected everything, because the mission wasn't going to play around with partially compliant members, and it's not like anything was really negotiable, especially for someone like me who was on the outs.  It was really hard for me to believe the mission was as bad as it seemed it was.  

***

I'm going to stop here and we'll continue with this article next time.

290. Organizational Behavior, Pt. 16 (Organ, D.W., pt. 2; Katz)

I had trouble getting on here, but it looks like it has to do with a driver, as I was able to get on via a different browser, so I'll have to work on it later.

But back to the text...

***

"Since Krebs's review, the evidence has continued to mount in support of the parsimonious explanation of mood (i.e., affect or emotional state) as a major determinant of altruism and other forms of prosocial behavior." (p. 30-31)

Having done some research on civil society and social movements, this statement (and the surrounding text) does seem to mesh with with other things I've read in those areas.  But it doesn't fit my upbringing that well, in that my family didn't think that way.  I think my parents might not necessarily have had the worst affective situation, but their upbringings weren't that great, yet they both were very altruistic and gave of time and money rather freely to help others.  So this idea of having affect determine your altruism was pretty foreign to me, I think and in Vienna I wouldn't have thought this way.  Later on, in Russia I eventually started to become burned out and sort of tired of swimming upstream.

I'm skipping over a discussion about mood because I don't think it applies much to my time in Vienna.  I think at that time I was generally a pretty upbeat person, although I'd been through a stressful time the few years before in my living situation and financially while in Bible school.  But I was certainly much, much more upbeat and positive in my outlook than I am now after all I've been through at this point in my life. 

***

The rest of the article discusses instruments developed and tested to measure organizational citizenship behavior.  The discussion is not pertinent enough to the issues I need to discuss, although motivation and job satisfaction are things we'll come back to eventually, and you can imagine that that will be interesting.

Although it's late and I could end here, this would really be a short post, so I'll begin commenting on another article:

Katz, Daniel (1964). The motivational basis of organizational behavior. Behavioral Science, 9, 130.

***

"At the practical level.... we need to cope with such organizational realities as the attracting of people into the organization, holding them within the system, insuring reliable, role performance, and in addition stimulate actions which are generally facilitative of organizational  accomplishment...

The complexities of motivational problems in organizations can be understood if we develop an analytic framework which will be comprehensive enough to identify the major sources of variance and detailed enough to contain sufficient specification for predictive purposes.  The framework we propose calls for three steps in an analysis process, namely, the formulation of answers to these types of questions: (1) What are the types of behavior required for effective organizational functioning?... (2) what are the motivational patterns which are used and which can be used in organizational settings?... (3) What are the conditions in an organizational setting?..." (p. 131)

As you can see by the "..." in this quote I'm leaving sections out, mainly for brevity.  One of these ommitted sections notes that generally organizational members are required to play several behaviors in the organization, which might entail entirely different motivations and settings.  An example of this in the Vienna mission setting might be my duties as a secretary and the informal expectations that I would befriend my boss' wife and children.  These would be exactly the kinds of things that might need to be addressed separately, so we'll see if this author has anything that might she some light on that aspect of my experience in Vienna.

And since it is after 1 a.m. I am going to call it a night, so you'll just have to wait until my next post to see if we can find anything helpful out from this text.  And hopefully I'll be able to return to my usual browser too.

289. Organizational Behavior, Pt. 15 (Organ, D.W., 1985)

I'm done with the bulk of fixing up my condo, I've started work on the family heritage cookbook, I'm feeling crummy from my variety of ailments (fibromyalgia, neuropathy in my feet which recently returned, weakness as side effect of antibiotic, and a 6-month migraine).  I need something to get my mind off my being broke from the condo expendetures, family stuff, and my health, so I'm turning to other problems... at least not current ones.  My pastor made me feel a bit better by telling me not long ago that I seem to have more problems than most people.  I know I have a lot of blessing, though too, and a lot to be thankful for, like this condo and an education that equips me to write this blog.

Since it's been a while since I've written or thought seriously about the meat of this blog I may have to work up to being in full form so I hope you'll bear with me as I get started again.  This first chapter is of interest particularly for what comes later on in the chapter, but the first part lays the groundwork.

***

Organ, D.W. (1985).  3. Accounting for OCB. In Organizational Citizenship Behavior: The Good Soldier Syndrome. Lexington, MA : Lexington Books, p. 27ff.

***

"By 1970, there was already a body of empirical literature sufficient to warrant a rather lengthy review by Dennis L. Krebs in Psychological Bulletin... Krebs concluded that the studies that had examined prosocial behavior as a personality trait 'were plagued with difficulties. Because altruism is a positive trait, it is difficult to separate it from other positive characteristics.' (Krebs, 1970, p. 298)... The most that could be concluded was that there is a somewhat greater tendency toward prosocial behavior among those who are socially well adjusted, generally lacking in neurotic symptoms, extroverted, and who have a stronger need for nurturance than for achievement or dominance." (p. 28)

The issue here is organizations wanting members (employees) who will take initiative to do the right/good thing vis a vis the group and other individuals in it.  They want to know why and when people act this way so that they can encourage more of it.  In the Vienna mission I worked for this was a mandate and anything less than the very most prosocial behavior virtually all the time was, in my experience and observation, asking for some kind of correction, depending on the situation.  So the management of the Vienna mission might have been very interested in reading and studying up on this kind of thing discussed in this book.

***

"The strongest evidence that prosocial behavior arises from an internalized norm is the consistent finding that among children the probability of prosocial responses increases with age. Furthermore, some studies show a relationship between level of education and prosocial behavior and a stronger orientation toward certain forms of prosocial behavior among professional and managerial classes as compared to either blue-collar or entrepreneurial classes... But, noted, Krebs (1970), 'the danger with normative analysis is that norms can be invented post hoc to explain almost anything" (p. 295)." (p. 28-29)

It seems to me that this fits pretty well with the pragmatic way of thinking where the ends justifies the means.  So that you can justify doing something relatively antisocial because it might be for a prosocial ends.  Of course, this is not the same as coming up with an explanation post hoc.  That is, the mission didn't lie about what it did (i.e., say it was an international publisher, which was a half truth at best) and later come up with a reason for doing that.

But I do think that, for example, if my assertion that their "tentmaking" was lying and not at all what the Apostle Paul or anyone else in the New Testament would have done were pressed to them they might well have to come up with a post hoc norm to explain better how what they do might really be biblical.  (Good luck at that one... I expect they'll have to jump through a few hoops to do that...  For those who don't know me yet, I tend to agree with Jacques Ellul's analysis of the Church, so that might give you an idea of where I'm coming from if you are familiar with him.)

***

"Krebs concluded... that positive affect mediated the relationship between the experience of success and altruistic gestures.  To the extent that affect - feelings, mood, emotional states - is the underlying determinant, one may wonder just how much deliberation figures in the process by which prosocial behavior occurs." (p. 30)

I think that this probably is true by and large, and it's possible that the leadership in Vienna assumed that it would work with me too.  That is, I'd be relatively malleable strictly at the emotional level.  As discussed elsewhere here, that was true to a certain extent - that is that they had an emotional affect on me probably in some cases more or less what they were looking for - but I was too cognitively engaged and committed to ministry to that part of the world to be easily manipulated.  However, when I first arrived in Vienna I was sort of swept up in this great overwhelming welcoming flurry which could have made me vulnerable to this prosocial process described in this text, but instead it sort of took me aback as it was somewhat more that I'd expected and then the irregularities that I've already described began to take their toll too.  So this didn't really work for me in Vienna, and I think it would have had to right at the beginning or not at all.

***

"Conversely, numerous studies show that whatever may be presumed to contribute to unpleasant emotional states typically also acts to retard prosocial behavior.  Subjects put under the stress of information overload show a reduced propensity to help others... A thorough review by Cohen... documents the assertion that a reliable aftereffect of stress is a disinclination to help, or even be concerned about, others." (p. 31)

This quote, it seems to me, gives some credence to how it might have been difficult for me to show "organizational citizenship behavior" (OCB) once I'd become the target of major organization discipline.  The fact that I did show OCB I think is a wonder at all when looked at in this light.  Heck, Organ even says that patron leaving a sad movie leave less in a donation box!  I think I went through a bit worse than a sad movie - I was the star in a real life sad drama and I still did a lot by way of organizational citizenship behavior.  I'm talking about taking initiation in taking a short-term worker out for her birthday or streamlining the office supply management system.  How could I do it?  Not because of the emotional state the organization had had a great part in determining, but because of my internal norms, something I'd learned from my family, from church, from school, but not so much from the mission.

***

You see, I try to do my best and do what I think is right, even when I might have to suffer for it, and yes, I have had to suffer a fair amount for what I think is right and I'm not sorry one minute for not giving in because you know what it's like to have a clear conscience?  I have enough things on my conscience, anyway, but there are times when I've been able to stand firm for what I believe in and I've had to pay a price for it.  I must say that I've only been able to do this when it's been things that I have strong convictions about and I really believe are wrong.

There are a lot of Christians that think I'm wrong and that's why these missions are still operating today. 

***

I have to take a break now so I'll continue with this article in my next post.

288. Family, Condo, etc.

I made it through another major hurdle... or should I say hurdles (plural)?  First of all, the move into the condo is largely a done deal, although there are still a few things to do, but the bulk of it is done now and I only have a few boxes left unopened.

I went into this move walking with a walker and by the time I was ready to actually make the move into the new place my back was well enough to let me lift boxes with virtually (as far as I know at least) no retributions.  PTL! (that's Praise the Lord!)  But, of course, I couldn't get by without having at least some kind of health issue or the other reminding me of my frailty, so about the time my back was on the mend, I started getting a headache... which I have to this day... a 4+ month long headache.  And it's the strangest headache I've ever had.  It's rather a moderate headache (although if I stopped the prescription pain medicine now I might not call it moderate), but even when the pain is more or less under control I can still have blurry vision and/or balance problems, which makes it difficult to walk much.  I've also found that this headache has been more of a trigger to fibromyalgia than any other condition I've had since I've had fibromyalgia.  So there's the extra urgency to keep the headaches at bay so as not to aggravate my fibromyalgia too.

***

Anyway, the other issue is making it through the holidays after the death of mom.  I'd planned to send out Christmas cards, and even ordered some, but it just didn't work out because of everything going on regarding the condo and my limited energy levels.  Maybe being distracted by the condo activities was a blessing in disguise to not let me get to focused on mom and the family.  Nevertheless, I did make the usual Christmas phone calls, maybe a couple more than usual, and this year I think I ended out having some longer conversations, especially around family topics.  It was good for me to learn more things about the family, and I hope it was good on the other end too for those I was talking with, but it was difficult too in some ways and I learned some rather upsetting things in some cases. 

Anyone who's had to deal with suicide knows of some of the difficult aspects of it.  And in the case of my mom there was also most certainly some elder abuse (verbal & emotional at least), and gender discrimination issues going on.  Mom's gone but the other family issues remain, and I don't think they're going away any too soon either.  So I'm the next logical target of abuse, although one brother has children, including a handicapped son, who are also prime targets.  But, I, being an adult, can opt out of this set up, although not without cost to me.  I'm opting out by deciding that I don't want either of my brothers to take care of me when I get old.  So, as one aunt so pertinently asked, who then will take care of me?  I don't know, but not them.  I'd actually rather have no one take care of me than have someone who is super controlling and uses physical force (my youngest brother) or someone who is very angry take care of me (my other brother). 

I've opened all the boxes of inheritance things now and I didn't find the steak knives or the pysanka (singular for pysanky - Ukrainian Easter egg) from my great grandmother, so I suspect this was not an accidental oversight, since that brother is so meticulous.  Each of us was supposed to get one of the eggs and I was supposed to get the steak knives to go with the rest of the knife set since that brother got both the china and silver.  But, as my financial advisor put it, my brother just didn't want me to have anything, including a pysanka, it seems.

It looks like there's a pretty good consensus that among my relatives back home that my brother with the two boys is very controlling but I don't think everyone knew about my other brother's anger.  My aunt there was surprised when I told her, but two of her kids have witnessed it first hand since mom's death now.  I guess some in that family even think my dad might have abused mom.  I'm not sure about that, but I guess there's evidence that the last few years there may have been some of this.  My other aunt told me a story that sort of corroborated this too, but I would not have thought this before. 

I have no idea how I can ever regain anything like a normal relationship with my brothers for some of the reasons already discussed but also because of gender issues and how I was so left out of the family when I could have made a difference in mom's welfare but they didn't really care about that evidently.  Mom thanked me more than once for helping with dad but I think she didn't think I was doing anything to help her.  I was behind the scenes sometimes making calls to ask people to check on her and/or keep an eye out to see if there was any verbal/emotional abuse going on, but I didn't want to have to go through my brothers to help her and she wouldn't do anything to facilitate that and I wasn't going to go through my brothers so there wasn't much possibility for me to help under those conditions.  I was basically relegated to a symbolic role of cheerleader or friend or the like.  Of course, my brother(s) would protest that this was not just a symbolic role at all, but very important.  Basically, they were relegating me to a stereotypical female role.

***

Other than that, my neighbors at the new place are a whole new book-worthy saga.  I've been advised to get a lawyer to write a formal grievance letter to the board against the neighbor below me who is also a board member.  They have no objection to me making all kinds of noise any time of day or night in the kitchen, but they get all bent out of shape by the use of a wrench in the construction of an antigravity chair.  Let's just say that my juicer is about as loud as an electric drill and a wrench is about as loud as a toaster, maybe.  So why do they call the security guard over the wrench but not the juicer?  My hunch is sexism, but I'll let the lawyer figure out the best approach to this.  The last complaint they had was regarding me putting glass shelves in a cabinet and then washing the glass windows of the cabinet!  I'll let you guess how loud that might have been.  The guard says the nieghbors could call the police and I've offered to call the police for them because I think the police would laugh in their face at the stupidity of their complaints.  Oh, and let me provide some more context.  I wear slippers at home, don't listen to music, have the computer set on mute by default and only recently just got my TV set up and hardly watch it at all.  I'm what you might call a quiet neighbor, except for the occasional use of a wrench, that is. (?!) Oh, please, how come all the idiots in the world seem to find me?

Then there's the neighbor to the right who was walking into my condo unannounced before I moved in when the painters were working here until they realized what was going on.  The condo manager had to call him and ask him to stop, but not before the neighbor asked if he could have one of the vanity tops! I'll stop there.  I have a feeling this neighbor is one of the people that voted in the neighbor below me to the board.

****

I've been thinking about the progression of this blog and how missions would just love to somehow wriggle their way out of how they treated me so horribly and how their whole set up was so political.  If I proceed as planned they'll most likely try to mainly excuse themselves by saying that I'm just crazy, but if I skip the Vienna years (and come back to them later) and go instead to my pre-Russia period they'll get all hyped up about how awful, horrible and absolutely un-American those Soviets/Russians were... which will effectively take the pressure off themselves and justify their own malfeasance based on political reasoning (at least that's how they'll think).   But then if I take the latter route, by the time I come back to the Vienna years, I think it would be more difficult to just disregard out of hand my claims because of all the things that happen after Vienna. 

It's late now, though, and I should get going. 

287. Health (Again!) and Moving (Finally!)

My health took another turn for the worst again this past week, so I'm on tenderhooks.  We don't exactly know what's wrong yet, but it's something neurological that seems to be affecting a good part of my body and may be connected to the strange headaches I've been getting the past two months.  I'm supposed to rest this weekend and then try to get into the neurologist early next week.

HOWEVER (yes, that's a big "however"), I'm also moving this week and am here all alone with no reliable help.  So I have to somehow make it through this week without going into a major health crisis (one that puts me completely out of commission).  Fortunately, I'm pretty well packed except for the last minute odds and ends so I can afford the luxury of relaxing.

Today I had to be at the condo for the floor cleaners and I laid down in the car the whole time they were working.  Monday and Tuesday I have furniture deliveries coming to the condo that I have to be for, and also the telephone company is coming to set things up there, so I have to be at the condo for these things too.  Fortunately, Monday the sectional sofa and bed are being delivered, so I can lay down on those if need be and do the minimal of what I need to do for these various things to get done.

Monday could be a real challenge though.  I have to try to make it to the neurologist and then a few people from church are coming to take liquid things (soaps, cooking oils, etc.) and the like over to the condo.  These are things that mostly the movers don't carry and liquids are heavy, so it would be too much for me to carry all at once.  This could be a long day for me.

Wednesday is going to be the killer, however, and I could use mega prayers to make it through that one. While the movers are at my current place the cabinet people will be bringing the new kitchen and bathroom cabinets to the new condo.  When we arrive at the condo they'll be installing the cabinets while the movers are moving everything in.  I'm going to have them try to put all the boxes in single layers as much as possible to minimize my having to lift boxes to see what's in lower boxes.  Unpacking is going to be slow, for sure.

After I move there is still some things that will have to be done, such as some furniture to be assembled, the new steam shower jacuzzi (which I wanted for my fibromyalgia and other health issues and should arrive later this week) has to be installed, etc.  But at least I'll be there and if I have to I can drop the moving things and focus on health issues.  My health goal for this week is to manage to at least maintain where I am and not get any worse.  I hope I succeed.

I told my neighbor here that after I leave she's going to have to resort to soap operas for excitement!  In any case, she didn't argue against that suggestion.

286. Diatribe: Handypersons

Yesterday I had 4 appointments plus had all the regular things to do at home and today I'm wiped out.  Someone was supposed to help me get the 8 foot long slatwall to the condo today but I just want to stay home and recuperate.  We found out that there's no way to lower the back seat of my car (at least no way short of destroying something or the other).  So I have to find some other way to get them there.  Not too mention that they're too heavy for me anyway.  My church is AWOL - a case, I think, of out of sight out of mind.  (I'm not as useful as they'd hoped, I think, in pressuring me to hurry and become a member.  Next time I go to church I"m going to wear my "invisible diseases" t-shirt to maybe get them to realize that I might be sicker than I look at first glance.

***

Anyway, that's not why I'm writing here today.  The thing is that I just can't believe how wimpy so many women are.  So I'm going to write here as if I'm telling a friend in Seattle that I grew up with about women and handy people (not) outside of the pacific northwest (Washington, Oregon, Idaho and sometimes Alaska and British Columbia).  So here's how I imagine myself telling her about these things.

M., I know this may be hard to believe but it seems like everywhere outside of the pacific northwest that  I go (except Siberia) it seems that women are wimps!  Now if you needed to have a sofa moved any distance, for example, even a strong man would generally not attempt this alone, if nothing else because of the size of the sofa.  But two reasonably strong and healthy women could do it too, don't you think?  But no, that evidently is not the case.  If I need a sofa moved there is no other woman who could do it with me, I guess because they're all wimps (even though at first glance they don't appear to be wimps).  So by process of elimination, that means it has to be a man helping me. 

But the thing is that in these non pacific northwest (or Siberia) locales my being a woman precludes the possibility of me lifting the sofa alongside a man, so that means that I have to be sidelined while two men do it.  Of course, with my current back issues I really can't help lift sofas, but even when I was healthy I found this to be the case all to often.  And if my health precludes me helping carry the sofa, what's to stop two other women or a man and a different woman (i.e., not me, say husband and wife team) from carrying it?  But no, women en toto are sidelined from such activities and chores.

This makes me think that these people are unfamiliar with pacific northwest (or Siberian) mores and are probably also not from Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong and the men are good looking. 

In many places, I think, men don't like strong women and so they encourage women to be weak and needy, which makes the men feel all strong and heroic... like rescuing Repunzel from the tower she's locked up in. 

But not only this, but I think that men feel intimidated by strong women.  If a woman is found to be strong that somehow emasculates men.  You can imagine that this would never have worked in pioneer days, but evidently many people find this state of affairs acceptable and amenable, and so it continues unabated from generation to generation (in places outside of the pacific northwest, Siberia and Lake Wobegon in post pioneer days).

Fast forward to today.  You may be aware that Amish, Mennonite and Brethren denominations have some similarities and among certain local emanations of any or all of these religious groups the difference can be rather slight.  For example, I attended a Mennonite church planting effort in Philadelphia where the missionary Mennonites dressed similar to Amish and preferred simplicity similar to them too.  Despite such frequent similarities, my current church is Brethren and I am amazed at the difference between the Amish, who are generally pretty handy and self-sufficient, and this Brethren church.  In my church here the men are so totally unhandy that in some cases I know more than they do about handy things, and that's pretty bad, because my handy knowledge is rather limited, despite the fact that I can wield a mean drill, which is packed in an underbed storage bin as I write. 

So this raises a bit of a problem because if I am to ask for help, but women aren't allowed to be handy or strong (evident by the lack of women coming forward to offer to help me) while at the same time the men don't really seem to know more than me and in some cases and issues know less than me, I am stuck with potentially inadequate male help .  In this scenario I am reticent to ask for help from church because the men will want to leave me out of it altogether (because of the aforementioned male-femaile gender issues), but will also rather go it on their own, even if I have some knowledge they might benefit from.  Benefiting from my knowledge would be unmasculine, but doing it alone without me will also (even if they botch it in part or altogether) will boost their male ego and serve to "put me in my place" in relation to the male gender. 

The only solution, it seems, is to either seek help outside of church or go it alone, along the lines of the famous Simon & Garfunkel song "I am a rock, I am an island."  Of course, this song isn't the final say in things, because it falls somewhere below Scriptural teaching as being the end all and guide for living.  Nevertheless, in reality, I am either forced to be a rock and an island or live in a male-dominated world where the men are strong and the women are good looking. 

What say you fair sister to these things?

285. No More Promises!

I've decided not to indicate intention to begin writing here, but just to do it.  That is, you'll know I'm ready to jump in again on this project when I actually do so, and not in advance.

My health has been a bit up and down, but I've avoided a crisis by putting a moratorium on lifting.  That includes bringing in groceries with a cart rather than in my arms.  I've been able to significantly lower my pain medicine, except for the neuropathic pain in my feet - which is treated the same way as fibromyalgia pain.  But the pain has increased a bit again and my legs/walking are giving me somewhat more trouble again.  And to top it off I've been getting headaches for the past 3 days, always later in the day.  Laying down helps so I can sleep without the headaches.  It feels like flu-type headache. 

The really big news, though, is that I found and bought a condo.  It's been mine now for just over a week and already the interior decorator has her folk at work on fixing it up.  I must say, though, that it's somewhat more expensive than I planned, so I expect my financial planner will not be happy.  I need to try to think of a way to earn some extra money (working around my health limitations).

I haven't been to church in ages.  The last time I went I sat the whole time and my feet were killing me so I had to leave early.  Pastor came by a couple weeks ago and said he might be able to pull together a couple guys to help me move the things that will be installing at the condo (ceiling fans/lights, slatwall, etc.).  I've been bringing one or two boxes over each time I stop by the condo.  There are a few things that are really too heavy for me to try to maneuver though, such as the 6 foot tall box of slatwall.

I guess that's the main news from here now.  I haven't abandoned this project, though; I've just had to put in on hold for a while.