So for now I'm sticking with my current doctors hoping they come through in time before anything becomes too terrible or irreversible or something. But I'm sure it's related to the g.i. problems and this is what I've been saying from the beginning, but I'm not sure everyone believed me. But my physical therapist is seeing the upper body weakness now too.
At least we're seeing improvement from the Botox treatment for the migraine. It's not going to cure everything though.
***
Yesterday I got a bunch of pictures in the mail from my dad's sister, in response to my Easter card I sent her and I told her about my magnetic wall with all the portraits on it. That was very nice of her to send those pictures. I still need to select pictures and have them enlarged (to 8" x 8" - approximately 20 cm. x 20 cm.) for the room divider. It holds 30 altogether, but I have a few already, so I need maybe about 25, so I'm sure that some of those will be nice ones to add.
***
I'm making crepes and blueberry sauce for the Easter brunch after service tomorrow. I'm using the recipe from my Russian friend, Nina. It's a yeast crepe. Historically, crepes are a triditional Russian dish around Easter time. I thought about making a Pascha, but I don't have a form for that, although I understand that you can improvise without one. I maid the blueberry sauce already, a quart of it. I tried pouring it out of a pitcher, but the berries didn't come out very well, so they'll just have to spoon it out of a bowl. I'll make the crepes later today, and reheat both of them before I leave in the morning.
***
We're starting a new text, as I said last time, and the text is:Weick, Karl E. & Roberts, Karlene H. (1993). Collective mind in organizations: heedful interrelating on flight decks. Administrative Science Quarterly, 38, 357-381.
Actually, although there are a lot of interesting things in this article, I'm just going to discuss one section. Basically, the acticle discusses difference approaches to collective thinking, especially as pertains to work on flight decks, but the authors also refer to a lot of other contexts as well. The text I'm using is in the "Discussion" section at the end.
"The combination of developed-group-undeveloped mind is found in the phenomenon of groupthink..., as well as in cults, ineractions at NASA prior to the Challenger disaster..., and ethnocentric research groups... Common among these examples is subordination to a system that is envisaged carelessly, or, as Janis... put it, there is an overestimation of the group's power, morality, and invulnerability. Furthermore, contributions are made thoughtlessly; as Janis... put it, there is self-censorship of deviations, doubts, and conterarguments. And, finally, representations are careless; ; members maintain the false assumption that silence means consent... In the presence of heedless interrelating, comprehension declines, regardless of how long the group has been together, and disaster results." (p.375)
Terms like "thoughtlessly", "undeveloped mind", or "carelessly" wouldn't seem to fit an organization like the Vienna mission, but when you think that the mission wanted onconditional trust, and, as far as I knew and experienced, there was not really any place for questioning and serious doubt in the mission. If you did, they'd have a way to make you see things their way, which I'm not sure was always through standard logical means. After all, your job was at risk if you didn't come around (defiance wasn't unacceptable). I think the Vienna workers were maybe pushed to maybe make Kierkegaardian leaps of faith, if you will, in areas, where they otherwise might have spent more time assessing the situation, collecting information, etc. So they come to see the people as trustworthy and take the leap based on their trust in the person. This can be regarding any number of issues. The new member might still not be sure about the issue, but becomes willing to so ahead and accept the mission's position based on the person's say-so because he trust's the person.
So this leads me back to my original statement that there was some thoughtlessness, undeveloped minds and carelessness on the way to socialization (if not nirvana)
Let's take a look at the Vienna mission's power, morality and invulnerability. The mission was pretty powerful. It had some 15 missions behind it, including a few very large ones and most of the key players in Eastern Europe. So as far as Evangelical missions, Easern European Evangelical missions, or just Evangelical Christianity, especially in North America, but also some European too, they had a fair a mount of clout. One might want to think twice before taking them on in any of those arenas. They also had to military chaplains, so it's possible there's another source of power.
I've discussed a fair amount regarding the morality of the mission here on this blog, so I won't belabor it here. They did a lot of things that were contrary to Scripture and their focus on ends justifies the means (i.e., deception as a way of life) seem rather strange for a Christian organization purporting to train others to be church workers. (i.e., do as I say, not as I do!).
The Vienna mission did not think it was invulnerable and neither did any one working in it, including any of the leaders.
I wonder if in Vienna there was "self-censorship of deviations, doubts, and counterarguments." I know there wasn't for me, but then I was never fully socialized either, so that's no surprise. I had self-censorship because I knew what I could and could not say while there. The thing was that I was living clear across the world and it was not like I could just white and go look for another job. My doubts became clearer and clearer as time when on because I had more time to think about things, but also different things that happened brought new angles and thoughts to mind. I had counterarguments from almost the very beginning, which is a sad thing to say. One of the first things I remember is being overwhelmed by the welcome and then having almost now work to do and those stupid software manuals when I'd offered to take a class before I arrived even. So right off the bad counter arguments about these things that didn't make sense just screamed for attention in my mind. But I had these kinds of thoughts clear till the day I left. My send off wasn't much either. I dought anyone else had those kinds of thoughts continue throughout their stay, so these thoughts weren't once you were socialized. The problem with that, though, is that you and none of the other members are holding them accountable because you can't have these kind of thoughts once you've been socialized.
So who's going to speak out then? It seem I'm the only one that maybe ever left with a fully active conscious. And I didn't even go to seminary.
